Coca-Cola: The International Language

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If I could use only one word to describe the mental giants who are arguing the patriotism of Coca Cola’s recent “America The Beautiful” commercial I would pick the word obtuse.  Or maybe uninformed.  I also like nonconversant, boorish and uncultured so narrowing it down to one word is unrealistic.   A single word can’t describe the preposterous reactions by these obtuse, uninformed, nonconversant, boorish, uncultured donkeys.

For anyone who hasn’t seen the commercial, you’ll get another chance tonight during the broadcast of the 2014 Opening Ceremonies of the Olympic Games.  Or you can click on this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8iM73E6JP8

This is probably one of the most moving pieces of advertising in recent years, 2nd only to the ASPCA ads, but since none of us can watch that without needing therapy, I’m leaning toward Coke as my favorite.  I’m so annoyed.   No, really, I’m flat out pissed that the Coca Cola Company felt pressured to explain to a group of half-wits that everyone appearing in the ad was an American.  Who really cares that some cretin tweets that she’ll not be drinking coke in the future?  Let her have Mountain Dew teeth!

When did we determine that using a language other than English in this country was something traitorous?   Can we all trace the beginning of our families to the United States?  I certainly can’t.   I’m from a part of the country settled largely by Scottish and Irish immigrants and my Mother’s side of the family is Irish.   So did they row across the pond with the Rosetta Stone in hand so they could conform to our superior linguistic standards?   My father’s side of the family is German and it’s been rumored that Germany has it’s own language as well.  But here’s a real kicker.  My husband’s great grandmother was a full-blooded Crow Indian.  Think she’d be a little pissed to hear that English is our native language?

So if we’re going to perch our asses on a soap box and declare English the one and only language to be spoken in this great land built entirely by immigrants, we need to declare the following words unacceptable:   spaghetti, pizzaria, croissant, lager, vino, mayonnaise, delicatessen, kitsch, algebra, facade, influenza, lava, television, cinema noodle, pretzel, sparerib, armoire, lingerie, balcony, arcade, artichoke, amaretto, kindergarten, soda, coffee, bologna, liqueur, debris, beige, satin, taco, taffeta, kebab, gabardine, hummus, baklava, pita, burrito, tequila, feta, bog, clan, galore, loch, pet, slogan………And this is only the beginning of a list that goes on to infinity and beyond.

The truth is, without Latin, German, Greek, Italian, Spanish, French, Gaelic and a myriad of others, we would have no “English as the official and superior language of the United States”.  The only words our nation can really claim as solely ours………because nobody else wants ’em………is the Urban Dictionary.  In a word…..slang.

What the cynics don’t have the brain power to realize is that Coke’s ad was an inspirational, patriotic, and historical representation of our country.  A nation of immigrants – a place where people from across the globe have always migrated to be part of what we call the American Dream.   And shame on anyone who thinks himself or herself more deserving than the next.  We are each one of the tired, one of the poor, one who yearned to breathe free.

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

― “quote on the Statue of Liberty”

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